Fear of Success, Part 3
by Lori Schroeder | April 21, 2010
When we think of fears associated with pursuing academic goals, fear of failure often comes to mind. Yet, another phenomenon, fear of success, can be just as present, formidable, and self-sabotaging as the fear of failure.
Last month we explored the effects of fear of success. In February we explored the nature of fear of success. In March we shared just some of the effects fear of success. This month’s post identifies some of the strategies that we can use to mitigate it.
If you have experienced fear of success and have successfully managed it, please share your strategies so that others may benefit from your knowledge and experience.
Managing fear of success calls for self-awareness and self-assessment. It requires introspection and reflection. Pawlik-Kienlen (2008a) suggests if you view your abilities as changeable (i.e., not fixed or not set in stone), you may be more likely to strive for and embrace success. You may be able to avoid self-sabotaging behaviors. For example, if you have comfortably held the belief that you are not good at statistics, and you take a statistics course and do very well in it, then your self-perception may need to be adjusted. If you are uncomfortable with readjusting your self-perception, then you may be unnerved by the idea that you may be good at statistics. In contrast, if you are able to view your skills as changeable and are comfortable with developing new skills, you may afford yourself opportunities to develop them—free from the implications of success. You are able to view your skills as changeable—actually strive for success and adjust more readily to achievements when they occur.
As we increase our skills and grow as individuals, the evolution of our self-image may be simultaneously compromised by the Impostor Syndrome. How can we deal with this syndrome? Brookfield (1995) suggests that the essential ingredient is to recognize it and share your feelings with people whom you trust or from whom you do not fear reprisal. “Once impostorship is named as an everyday experience, it loses much of its power” (p. 233). In fact, your making the experience of the Impostor Syndrome public may enable others to be forthcoming about their experiences with it too. Sharing and strategizing may result. Once we challenge feelings of impostorship, we may begin the process of readjusting—in positive ways—our thinking about ourselves. As a result, we may make choices that support this positive readjustment. We also may make choices that confront and manage fear of success.
Pawlik-Kielen (2009b) shares six strategies to address fear of success:
1. “Figure out why you’re sabotaging your goals. You don’t have to go to a psychotherapist to figure out why you fear success. Talk to people you trust, write in your journal, and be honest with yourself. What are you afraid to admit? What’s holding you back from losing the extra weight or asking for a promotion at work? You don’t have to go further than that. Just accepting your reasons will give you a sense of freedom.
2. Prepare yourself. A huge sign of self-sabotage or fear of success at work occurs when you don’t study for the exam or work presentation or big project. You subconsciously or deliberately sabotage yourself when you fail to prepare by, for example, partying all night or choosing the wrong work partners. The more you prepare, the more your fears may subside.
3. Accept failure as part of succeeding. ‘It’s a common assumption that if you really try your hardest to get something and don’t get it, you’ll be shattered – so it’s safer not to risk going out at all,’ says Barbara Sher in Wishcraft. ‘That is totally false. The exact opposite is true.’ If you try and fail, you won’t feel as bad as you think. You’ll gain experience, education, contacts, and self-confidence.
4. Be scared. Scared of asking, trying, working hard, pushing yourself, sharing your dreams? Big deal. We all are. “Read Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway” by Susan Jeffers. If you don’t have time to find the book, then just make it your motto. Feeling the fear and doing it anyway will help you overcome fear of success.
[Lori Schroeder notes: I’m not keen on using the word, “overcome.” Why put yourself in a combative relationship with your feelings? Better words to use as you work on mitigating ANY fear are: “manage,” “cope,” “deal,” or “mitigate.”]
5. Compete against yourself – not others. ‘Competition in which one person must lose in order for us to win tends to undermine the best in most of us,’ says Robert K. Cooper in “The Other 90%: How to Unlock Your Vast Potential for Leadership and Life.” ‘It makes us wary and distrustful of others, causes us to withhold and distort information, makes us intolerable of uncertainty and change, and it so narrows our focus that constructive creativity is practically shut down.’”
Messina (2009) recommends a few tips to help manage fear of success. Here’s just some of the more relevant suggestions that can be applied to academic endeavors:
* “Suppressing anxieties of not being good enough
* Uniting all talents and virtues for a greater good
* Confronting and dismissing existing fears in an appropriate manner
* Expressing views and opinions without hesitation
* Setting sights on a goal and achieving it with both sacrifices and rewards–these make up the rough climb, the seemingly impossible.
Messina (2009) offers this five-step, practical plan:
“What new behavior patterns can help in overcoming your fear of success?
* Learning to reinforce yourself for the hard work, effort and sacrifices you have made to achieve success
* Being able to honestly appraise your level of achievement, success and accomplishment
* Accepting yourself as being healthy, ‘together,’ happy, successful, prosperous and accomplished
* Not giving yourself any excuses for being unsuccessful
* Giving others in your life permission to give you honest, open, candid feedback when they see you self-destructing or backsliding
* Monitoring your level of commitment and motivation to reach your goals
* Visualizing your life when you are successful
* Giving others credit, recognition, and support for their personal achievements, successes and accomplishments
* Honest, open, realistic self-talk that encourages you to work your hardest to achieve the goals that you have set for yourself
* Accepting the compliments and recognition of others with an open heart and mind”
Messina (2009) continues his discussion of managing fear of success by offering these specific, practical steps:
“Step 1: You first need to identify the fear of success in your life. To do this, answer questions ‘A’ through ‘J’ in your journal for each of the following 12 areas:
* At school
* On the job
* With family
* In marriage
* In relationships
* With friends
* In your career
* In your emotional life
* In your hobbies
* In sports
* In your physical health
* In your spiritual life
a. What do I think will happen if I achieve success here?
b. What would success in this area of my life look like?
c. In what ways do I feel undeserving of success here?
d. Who am I afraid of hurting or intimidating if I achieve success here?
e. What do I think is lacking to keep me from sustaining success in this area?
f. What are my biggest concerns about succeeding in this area?
g. Who do I believe is more deserving of the success I have or will achieve here?
h. How motivated am I in the struggle for success in this area?
i. In what ways do I think that once I achieve success here that I will lose focus or direction in other areas of my life?
j. In what ways do I think that I’ll be unsatisfied or feel unworthy if I achieve success in this area?
Step 2: Once you have completed Step 1, answer the following questions for the same 12 areas:
a. What evidence is there that I have not sustained enough effort to achieve my goals in this area?
b. What are my long range goals for this area?
c. In what ways do I self-destruct achievement and success here?
d. How much of a problem do I have in making decisions here?
e. In what ways has my motivation been diminished in this area?
f. In what ways have I been an underachiever in this area?
g. Have I ever felt guilt, confusion or anxiety when I did achieve a level of success here?
h. Have I ever feared losing people’s attention, sympathy or concern if I achieved success here?
i. Have I ever chosen just the opposite of what I needed to be successful in this area?
j. Have I ever put myself down for achieving success in this area?
Step 3: After looking at the negative consequences of the fear of success in each areas of life, identify the beliefs that lead you to fear success. Once you identify the beliefs for each area, refute them if they are irrational, and replace them with rational beliefs. If your beliefs are negative self-scripts, replace them with positive self-affirming scripts. Use the ‘Tools for Coping’ to assist in this effort.
Step 4: After you have identified your irrational beliefs and replaced them with rational beliefs and self-affirming scripts, identify what new behavior you need to develop in each of the 12 areas. Answer the following questions in your journal:
a. How can I improve the ways in which I reinforce myself?
b. How can I make a more honest appraisal of my accomplishments?
c. How can I accept myself as being successful?
d. How can I eliminate all excuses for being unsuccessful?
e. Who needs to have permission to give me honest feedback when they see me self-destructing?
f. How can I monitor my level of commitment and motivation to succeed?
g. How can I improve the ways I visualize what it will be like when I achieve my goals?
h. How can I improve the ways in which I offer others reinforcement and praise for their individual success and achievements?
i. How can I improve my self-talk to assist me in achieving my goals?
j. How can I learn to accept the compliments and recognition of others for my success?
Step 5: Once you identify the behavior traits you need to develop in your life, make a commitment to accomplish this. If you continue to have a fear of success, however, return to Step 1 and begin again.”
What strategies have you used to help you manage fear of success? Please share with others so that they may benefit from your wisdom of experience.
References:
Brookfield, S. (1995). Becoming a critically reflective teacher. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.
Messina, J. (2009). Handling fear of success. Retrieved from http://www.livestrong.com/article/14659-handling-fear-of-success/#JUMP2.
Pawlik-Kienlen, S. (2008a). How Fear of Success Works: Signs of Self-Sabotaging Your Relationships & Goals, & Why You Do It. Retrieved from http://psychology.suite101.com/article.cfm/how_fear_of_success_works
Pawlik-Kienlen, S. (2008b). Overcoming your fear of success: 6 ways to stop sabotaging relationships, career, & life goals. Retrieved from http://psychology.suite101.com/article.cfm/overcoming_fear_of_success
One Response to "Fear of Success, Part 3"
Connie Bend says:
This has really helped me to identify my “Fear of Success” and self-sabotaging behavior. I will use it over and over. I have not completed the suggested exercise at this point but I certainly will journal each response and refer to it often. Thank you!